Poem

“antidepressants, dear.

they take away the pain, the fight, the gain
the storms, the mountains, the warmth
they make you numb.”

 

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Day 1

Today is Monday the 25th of April, 2016. This blog is where I will be journalling my experience of weaning myself off a very powerful anti-depressant medication. My good and bad days will be chronicled in private so that I can reflect on the journey.

I have been taking 150mg of EffexorXR daily for about 12 months, and on various other medications for the last 10 years of my life. My motivation for being medication free is the ability to FEEL again and to experience the energy of my brain and body in all of its sadness and happiness. After researching my medication and talking to friends and family I have had the realisation that I need to connect with myself and get both my feet on the ground before I can truly move forward and learn who I truly am without any pharmaceutical interference. The withdrawal symptoms will be difficult but I can do this. I have grown and changed and learnt so much about myself in the last five years and I hope to be medication free before I turn 26. Life is for living, and I intend to live it.

Symptoms of Effexor that I don’t want:

Drowsiness

Low physical energy

Lack of mental motivation

Photo on 21-04-2016 at 3.48 pm

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY:

  • Luna. My little cat. A magical little sprite from a Ghibli movie, she makes me feel very much alive and her companionship is something that means more to me than words.
  • Being vegan. My interactions with all living things are powerful happiness triggers. I will never partake in the consumption of “meat” again. Physical benefits include weight loss, nail and hair growth, spiritual identification with the universe.
  • Being spiritual. The universe is real, “I” am just a physical manifestation of something that is bigger than me. I am having a human experience that is very temporary and I can overcome withdrawals and pain. My mind is not me. I am the universe.
  • The beauty of the human. Every person in my life offers me something that transcends the physical body. I am loved, and I love myself.

25.4.16

First day of Effexor 75mg. Blood tests yesterday, results next week. Will attempt 75mg daily and see if I experience any symptoms- may alternate days between 150 and 75 for the first week or two.

  • B12
  • Iron + Vit C

The weather is beautiful in Melbourne today. Sunny, cloudless, 26 degrees. I am alive.